Scary Word

I'm sitting here at 5am, in the dark, with only the glow of my computer to light things. The house is still and cool. I had surgery yesterday...I got my thyroid taken out...and the basically the first words I hear when I wake up is cancer. I think I was too groggy to think about it yesterday as I came out of anesthesia. Now, as I sit here, with a stiff neck and not breathing so good because of the swelling, it becomes more real to me. Doctors say it like it is nothing, everyone skirts the issue when talking about it. I have cancer though. The Dr says that he should have gotten it all out when he took my thyroid out, but whos to say how long I have had it and if it was just contained in my thyroid? I will find out in a week, in the meantime I'll just work on recovery from surgery and take a day at a time.

Random Thoughts

I really don't have much to talk about. Seems that life throws curves from every side as we go along. I used to tihink that as I got older I would be able to cut out all those extra projects and things to do. I find that I always have more to do. For me it isn't just simple to drop things, to leave things behind without finishing them. I say yes to too much, I go farther than I should, and then I find that I didn't really get as much satisfaction out of it as I wanted. Although it is good to know that someone else was helped.
Recent events have shown me that I cannot always even trust those that I used to be close to. I've learned that those that I am not yet that close to carry more love and respect towards me than I could have ever asked for. I've found that even when I am hurting and down, there is always someone out there thinking of me and loving me.
I don't talk much, I don't tell people whats going on much. Honestly, I don't know what is going on in my head most of the time either. It is so hard to make sense of this mess in my head, that I just don't often try. One day all the mess will make sense to me.

New Words

My friend at work has a word that he uses for people or things that basically suck. Life situations, mean people, really anything. That word is...wait for it....Baduga. Used like, "that guy is such a baduga". Or "I feel like a baduga". Maybe this little ditty..."I really baduga'd". It always sounds funny. And it works to say it and not have a person know what you are talking about if it is directed at them.

Anyways, the reason that I write that is because life has been pretty "baduga" as of the past couple months. And I don't want people to worry about me or feel sorry. I know barely anyone even ever reads this blog anymore, but it is nice to write on whats on my mind as I go through life. Whether good or bad. As I was saying I noticed my health was kind of sinking a little, I just was more tired, not able to concentrate as much, and I had a huge catch in my throat at all times. I figured it was working so much and that it was just catching up with me. But this was worse than just being tired, I know that tiredness, and what this was and it was way different. I also noticed that I was choking on alot of foods that never gave me any problem. I also had a little trouble breathing with simple things like going up my stairs. It started to concern me that my thyroid was acting up. So I made an appointment with my doctor. Turns out my thyroid is growing. It has moved my trachea over and pushed my vocal cords on the one side to the point of paralysis so that they are stretched as tight as they can against my trachea. Basically, I cannot put off my thyroid removal any more and I need to have surgery soon to remove it. Pretty baduga, right? Haha, I can't wait.

Updates

I found myself sick a couple weeks ago and unfortunately it has been sticking with me a couple weeks ago. It started with a chest cold that turned to bronchitis and an ear infection and now is working it's way out of my system, slowly but surely. I haven't been breathing real well with it and it has zapped all of my energy to the point where I am just super tired. I was having trouble climbing the 2 sets of stairs to my second floor apartment there for awhile. Each day I have felt a little better though. I just did not want to take any antibiotics and then get sick all over again because my immune system was weakened by the drugs. Oh well, day 15 of this stupid sickness is here and I can't wait to be done with it.

In the midst of all of that I went job hunting again...I had 3 calls in 2 days time from the 8 applications that I put in online. Two from bakeries and one in need of a server at a country club. I accepted a almost full time job at a fun Bakery/Restaurant called the Swiss Pastry Shoppe. They remind me of a smaller scale Das Dutch Haus where I worked for 12+ years and enjoyed so much. I had my first day yesterday and they all seem really nice there, many of them have been there over 10 years and the hours fit perfect for me. I'm looking forward to being there and becoming a part of a fun mom and pop shop again.

No-Bakes

When I worked as a bakery manager I loved their no-bakes...maybe a little too much :) They were the best thing we had in that place (along with the maple creamsticks). And even though I made 1000's of dozens of them, I never got tired of them. Of course everyone likes them some chocolate and peanut butter mixed up with sugar and butter and oats. It really is just one big piece of candy. Along with the other few different varieties of cookies and candies I also made Chocolate No-Bakes for Christmas this year. I'm sharing the recipe here. Hope you enjoy!

4 cups white sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
2 sticks margarine
1 1/4 cups milk
2 cups creamy peanut butter
6 cups rolled quick oats
2 tsp. vanilla

*First...Make sure that all of your ingredients are measured out before cooking the no-bakes. Timing is of the essence when making them, because they can be too soft or too overcooked if there is any wait in the process of mixing them due to measuring things out after the mixture cooks.

*Second...In a large saucepan, mix together the sugar and cocoa till cocoa lumps are broken up well. Mix in milk and margarine. Cook over med-high, stir often and watch mixture closely. Bring to a boil and once you have a ROLLING BOIL start a timer for 2 1/2 minutes. Leave the mixture to boil and get your peanut butter, oats, and vanilla close by.

*Third...once timer is done, turn off heat and take saucepan off of stovetop. This is where you make your work fast with no interruptions until the no-bakes are scooped out. Mix in the peanut butter and vanilla. Stir peanut butter in till melted pretty well with just a few lumps left.

*Fourth...add oats. You may not need all of the oats here. Mix in enough to so that it still looks a little bit soupy, but not too much to make it look like a thick oatmeal.

*Fifth...scoop out no-bakes onto wax paper with clicky scooper whatever size you desire. Let the no-bakes cool and firm up. Eat and Enjoy!

Oh Christmas Tree...

Its a funny thing being in a state with no real "winter" conditions during the Christmas season. We've been having moderately cold weather, but I have yet to see any ice or snow. It rained for a few days and reminded me of a nice spring day in Ohio, with the overcast sky and cool rain. But nothing like the snow and ice that normally prevailed over the entire winter each year in Northeast Ohio.
Needless to say, I miss the snow and inclement conditions some days. I miss looking out the window in the morning to see how much snow we got overnight. I miss laying in bed and listening to the cars driving to work in the morning and trying to figure out how much snow is on the road by listening to their tires as they drive by. Lots of snow meant you could barely hear them as they snuck by the house. Or if the roadcrews had already been out you could hear the slushy snow underneath the tires. Here, I don't have cars drive by that much since I live in a gated apartment community, and there are no major roads right out my window (although within 1/4 mile there is major highways everywhere). Plus, I know that if I look out the window, it is probably going to be sunny and beautiful out. Of course no snow or ice to suprise me though.
Last night my Baby and I finished putting the Christmas lights on the tree, and it looks absolutely amazing.  He says that there are between 1600 and 1700 lights on it. He did most of the work of putting the lights on and I think there are 9 strands of lights added along with the 600 prelit lights that came with the tree. It is it's own source of heat in the living room as I watch it twinkle and flash and make this Christmas season somehow brighter. Christmas is his favorite time of year. His mother and him would decorate their Christmas trees with as many lights as they could fit on it and cover it with all the decorations they had stored away. They shared a love of Christmas together, and now that his mother is no longer with him, he continues the traditions that she gave to him.
So here are a few pictures of our tree pre-decorations. Enjoy :)

Memories in Insomnia

Last night I layed in bed unable to sleep and dealing with some insomnia. It's funny how thoughts past and present come to mind when you least expect them in the quiet and stillness of the night. When there is nothing else jumping in to take over thoughts and actions.
My mind went back to the hardware store by our house that my Uncle Steve worked at during high school and after called Rural Supply. We would often go there to visit and spend some time there, we went quite frequently because it was when Mom and Dad were building the log house and there was always some small item that they needed to get to finish something up. This hardware store was an old dusty store that smelled like man and tools, and rubber belts and dirt. I loved going there. What made it especially exciting was the big white rusty deep chest freezer right by the door of the store. I think it was to the left of the door when you went out even. What was inside were all kinds of ice cream treats. Popsicles, ice cream sandwiches, ice cream cones, orange pops, you name it. I don't know if the owner had a sweet tooth, or if he liked to see the smile on peoples faces when they took something from that freezer. My brother and I would literally open the lid and lean into that rusty wonder, letting cold frosty air cover our faces, looking for what we wanted when Mom or Dad gave us the go ahead.
I'm sure that Mom and Dad made us wait for the treats in the rusty white icebox till the end because, for one, that meant that we would be good until the end of the trip there. Plus any kid thinks that they will just eat up that treat, but in all reality every kid on the face of the earth makes a mess eating and inevitably Mom and Dad didn't want us dripping sticky ice cream on the ground or wiping grimy chocolate fingers on something on the shelf.
That rusty freezer caused such a warm and exciting memory. Amazing how life as a kid was filled with so much fun from a simple ice cream treat.

Eggrolls

So... I found myself with a day off and looking for things to do. I decided that the paychecks just weren't going to get into the bank on their own so I deposited them. I then went to TJ Maxx and roamed around for awhile looking for gift ideas. I found a few things, a pine scented yankee candle, some skull bottle stoppers, jeans for me (Im a sucker for good jeans), and a nerf toy for my boyfriends lil 3 year old. I then went shopping at one of my favorite grocery stores called Sprouts Farmers Market. I got avocados, broccoli, celery, cauliflower, zucchini, roma tomatoes, blackberries, oranges among other goodies such as ear candles and garlic sourdough bread :) Then to get gas for my beastly gas guzzling truck. I got home and cleaned up the place a bit and moved around the 4 totes of Christmas decorations that will be going around the house and on the tree in the next couple days. I decided to try my hand at making chinese eggrolls after that and I think they turned out pretty decent. I took a couple pictures of the funtivities involved. The recipe ensues...

Gathering all the ingredients.

Cut up the cabbage and carrots and make the oil nice and hot.

Add all of the ingredients to the pan and cook till the cabbage is slightly wilted.

Let the mixture cool down and then prepare to wrap!

There we go making some eggrolls :)

Wrapped and ready to be fryed up to eat.

Mmmmm...look at those hot little rolls!

I ran out of cabbage mixture so I had some leftover mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving and some velveeta!

Finished product, ready to eat! The top ones are the chinese eggrolls and the bottom ones are the mashed potato and cheese ones. They all turned out better than I thought. I could have wrapped up the cabbage eggrolls a little tighter, but I was afraid to tear the fragile eggroll wrappers. Fun stuff, I will definitely make them again. Heres the recipe for the chinese eggrolls if you are so inclined.

• 4 c. cabbage, coarsely chopped shopping list
• 1 or 2 tsp. red wine, optional shopping list
• 1 pkg. egg roll skins shopping list
• 2 carrots, grated shopping listshopping list
• 2 tbsp. soy sauceshopping list
• 1/2 c. chicken brothshopping list
• 1/2 tsp. saltshopping list
• 1 tsp. ground black pepper
• 1 tsp ginger powder
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1 tsp 5 spice powder
• 2 tsp stir fry sauceshopping list

How to make it

·       Into a large frying pan, place about 3 T. oil. Let oil get hot.

·       Throw everything into the pan, and saute until well blended and coated with oil/wilted just a tad bit---not completely shrunken, but just reduced by a bit. You don't want to over-cook. You're just looking to wilt everything a bit before the frying stage!

·       Remove from heat, pour vegetable/meat mixture into a colander and let drain into another bowl in the fridge until cool enough to handle.

·       Prepare wrappers by laying out on waxed/parchment paper.

·       Wet edges of each wrapper individually with a fingertip or small brush dipped in water.

·       Place approximately 3 tablespoons mixture in each wrapper, and seal egg rolls

·       At this point, you can either deep fry for a couple minutes, or fry in about a half-inch of hot oil until golden brown.

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Have it Good

I don't often think about how good I have it at work. I was so blessed to find jobs immediately when I moved to Fort Worth, and I soon found that they really loved my work ethic and how personable I was with people. I think there is something to midwestern work ethics that isn't always realized here. I work my butt off with every job I have, no matter the pay. I give 100% in it. It is my livelihood and I have been rewarded in the past with recognition in getting better positions and raises by my working hard. Unfortunately, I don't see that hard work ethic as much in those around me at my other jobs, people tell me that I'm working hard, to just sit down and let others take care of stuff, things like that. The winery loves to have me there and is looking to advance me in the future when they get everything grounded in the next few months with some major position changes of the owners. the owner suprised me the other day when he asked me to do an 8 wine tasting for a group of 12. He trusts that my wine knowledge is good enough to be able to share it with others (and he is a stickler for us knowing all the details about our wines). I love working there, we have a close knit crew and I've made some great friends. People who come in say that they love to be there because we have so much fun there, and really we do. We joke around, and there never seems to be any bad nights there. The managers want us to drink the wines (isnt that terrible?) and know our stuff. We sip wine all night as we work, and the customers love that we drink wine with them. All in all it's a great job, I have learned so much about wine and their regions, distinct tastes, terriore, varietals, bordeuxs, and all that good stuff. I always wanted to be more knowledgeable in wine, and I feel like I really have it now. There is so much more to learn, but I will get there. I really do have it good.

Glorious Week

Mama made the long flight to Texas to visit me for a week. She left on Monday and it was so hard to see her go. We had a great time. We went antique mall shopping and found some cool things, we went to the botanical gardens where they have an amazing japanese zen garden, I took her to my winery that I work at and we drank wine and ate cheese, olives, and crackers. The tastes that I poured must have been a little too heavy. Mama may have imbibed just a little too much wine, but I wanted her to try some that I thought she would enjoy. We laughed and joked for hours there. We played uno for a few nights and found a book that asks questions like, "if an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what food would you choose to eat a day that would keep the doctor away instead?" We drove out to Mineral Wells State Park and went hiking on the rocky terrain, we went to the overlooks and took pictures of Lake Mineral Wells. We walked around an abandoned haunted hotel that has been standing since the early 1900's. We went and ate way too much every day, but we had fun with trying a bunch of new places. So, yes, I thought about kidnapping her and making her stay here. If there were anything that I could change, I would change this distance between us. I miss, more than anything, not being able to just go and see my family and friends whenever I want to. Because the best part, the very best part was seeing her smiling face all day and putting my arms around her as much as I could. Being in her presence, enjoying our time together, that is what matters. It wouldn't have mattered that we went anywhere, or did anything. Just to have that glorious week was perfect.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

He tells me that I was never the one he truly wanted. Stubborn intent and decisions change the course of lives. They cut ties that can never be mended. He never wants to see, hear, or speak to this "evil" that is me. I wish that I hadn't thought that those little monkey trinkets were just something cute with a little life lesson. They play a much larger lesson in life. I see that I am an evil in someones life now. So much so that they never want to see, hear or speak to me again. Ever.

Whats New?

What's new? How do I answer that question? Cause for almost a year I haven't found the words to write anything on this blog. So "new" a year ago is totally different than "new" last week. So I guess I share what is on my mind at this point in "new".

Those close to me know that I have been working 2 jobs, one as a certified nurse aide at a rehabilitation center, and the other as a server at a full production winery. I love working at the winery. I've really built up my knowledge and tastes of wines, and the atmosphere there, the friends I work with and everything about it is just so agreeable to me. They also really like me there and want me to pick up more days and possibly take on some more responsibilities as time goes on. I've come to very much dislike the nurse aide job for various reasons, so I went on the search for another job. 

Good and bad is the fact that I live right next to a mall. Bad being that I live by a mall and traffic is stupid crazy. Good being that they are building a new restaurant/brewery in the parking lot of the mall and I applied and was hired to be a server there starting on Halloween. They are just finishing up the building of it and from everyone I have talked to it is a fun place to work, and they make decent money there. I like it for the fact that they have their own line of microbrews that are pretty dang tasty if i may say so myself. I went there and enjoyed a few of their concoctions recently :) So,  I'm excited to say I can quit the nursing job, and start working less hours a week as a server there and keep the winery job too. This will also give me more freedom to pursue my nursing school career and find that college out there that will take me with over 120 credits under my belt. I am excited to start this new phase, even though it has been long overdue and I already should be done with college and the extreme mess that it has become. But I have amazing support, and lots of potential colleges around here to work with.

I also have someone really special in my life that tries to help me forget that I am so far away from my family and friends. Unfortunately that isn't always possible and each day is a struggle for me to just be happy with where I am and not think about the past, but dwell on what I have now and make it the best that I can. He keeps me smiling and happy, he wants to and does spend time with me, we have so much in common, and also have a ton that we are totally opposite on. But that just makes for an interesting mix. I still have my closest friends that I get to talk to not nearly as much as I want to. My Mama is coming to visit me in a month and I am so excited to have her with me for a week. I may just kidnap her and make her stay here forever :) So much has changed, I am still overwhelmed by life sometimes, but all in all, life is good.

Where to begin?

If I knew what to write I would have started long ago. But the words seem to escape me lately. I want to write and tell of all the changes in my life, but some are too difficult to express, and others are too personal and close to home to share. Here are some things I've learned or thought about over the past several months...

...distance doesn't make your heart separate from home and those you love there. I have never felt such burdening heartache or homesickness than in this time of my life. There are some days that I just want to go home and get a hug from my Mama, there are days when all I can think of is walking through the woods and creeks that I know every step of the way. I miss the ease of just getting to sit and hang out with my friends and family. I miss knowing that there are so many close to me that I know and cherish and can see anytime that I want. I am a stranger here. I don't have connections, I don't have friends. It is the weirdest feeling to know that no one knows me. I can go anywhere I want and not a soul will know me from Adam. I miss my home pretty much every moment of every day.



...I wish that people wouldn't judge my decisions in life, but instead find out more about what brought me to this point before doing so. It's awful easy make a judgement based on hearsay, or what little information has been offered. I'm not one to tell everyone what is going on in my life easily. If you want to talk to me, then do it is the way I feel. I am not going to come to others if they are not wanting to deal with more things in their life. I'm afraid that I have burned bridges that will never be built again. If that is the case then I am truly sorry. I should have spoken up when it was so hard to, I should have come to those that wanted to know what was going on instead of hiding all of the things I was dealing with in life. I know it is difficult to stop what is going on in our daily lives, so I don't blame anyone for anything.



...I'm not sure that I ever really lived to the point where I took care of everything myself. It is an interesting, satisfying, and scary feeling to know that I am providing for myself now. I pay the bills, I support myself, I make the decisions on what is available to me each day. Especially since each day I am scrounging to pay my bills and provide shelter and food to my table. I never was totally aware of how much work was involved in daily living. I was sheltered from it in ways to not cause me stress or anxiety over it, and I understand the burden it places on each of us much more intricately now.



None of this is to say that I am not happy; because I am. I have found that I love cooking and baking again. Gosh, I missed the simple joys of making food and what fun that gave me. I've been reading books again. Not the ones I was required to read for school, these are ones I am actually excited to read. I am working a weekday job that doesnt kill my body everyday. I just started a new weekend job that will hopefully give me some more opportunities to ground myself into life here and looks to be a lot of fun. I love the fact that I can still go outside in a light jacket in November, and that I can open the curtains of my home and have the sun shine brightly into the windows each day. The sky is so immense and spread out here. The trees and small hills offer little break to the far off scenery that I can catch a glimpse of from my patio and so many areas around where I live.

Thanks for reading in and have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with those you love and cherish.

Time is a flying!

Just a quick "Hello" to the few that occasionally get on my blog to see if I have written anything for awhile. This semester is going super fast, I am already into my 11th week with just enough more weeks to count on one hand. I am in a very time and mind consuming class this second half of the semeste; critical care. I have been enjoying this class and it seems to really help me put everything together that I have learned thus far. There is no room for mistakes in the medical field, but I have to be at the top of my game especially with patients in critical condition.

Other than that I had a great weekend with Sam. We went out to visit the Fort Wayne boys and hang out for the weekend. It was relaxing and it helped me recharge. Plus the fact that the weekend was gorgeous and we got lots of fresh air helped it all too. My arm is a bit sore from all of the football, raquetball, and 5 gallon empty water container throwing that happened over the weekend from being with 3 guys and no girls but myself around. It was a good time.

Hope everyone is doing well! Talk to you again in a month or two!

Jack not name! Jack job!

Does anyone remember the muppet movie where fozzie and kermit hit the road and they stop at a car dealership to buy a car and that huge beast of a muppet starts moving cars around with his hands? "Jack not name! Jack job!" Yeah, I was thinking about that today, no real significance, i just want to watch that movie again. Maybe feel like a kid excited to just watch muppets having fun.

Anyways, schools back in session as some of you read from Sams blog. My sanity will be tested again as usual this semester. I will get to finish my practicum this next 8 weeks with preceptor for 120 hours at the new St. E's hospital in Boardman so I am looking forward to that. I am not looking forward to the 3 hour seminar I have to give in November on accountability and peer review though. I don't know what to fill 3 hours of a seminar about accountability on. Any ideas on discussion, games, etc to fill that time up? Haha, Im studying up on it now, it should all work out just fine I'm sure. I finished my portfolio and resume this week before I get into the big clinical days and stressfilled study time. That is a big weight off of my shoulders. Its not hard work, just time consuming when I don't really have that time to give. I'm excited that this is my last year of school, it is going to go so fast and I am looking forward to all of the prospective jobs out there that I will be able to look at and decide on. Exciting and scary!

Welp, thats about it for me right now, more later as the semester goes on, hopefully I can get on this blog more than every 2 months:) Love and Peace to all!

Simply Said

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

Time Away

So, I have been away from the blogger scene for awhile now. As the end of the college semester reared its ugly head I resigned to focusing on it. I also started a new job that has been quite the challenge to get used to; with its crazy hours and physical stress on my body. I have found new muscles and aches and pains in my body that I never had before. I have found that I have new smells to experience that I don't quite enjoy so much. I have so many funny stories of things that happen at night with the resident that I take care of. The lady that told me that she was going to call the police on me because I was taking her out of the building even though I was only taking her down the hall. The man that told me I was the sherriff and putting him in jail. The woman who got picked up in a red firebird on Easter morning by her pimp boyfriend in his canary yellow suit and white patent leather shoes. The stories keep happening and I keep laughing. Thats all I really need in this crazy time of readjustment. A good laugh.

But now that summmer is here it is time to wind up again; to enjoy the time that I have to myself and with my family and friends. I was in a wedding with one of my best friends in the world a few weeks ago, to see her and her new husbands excitement and love was such an encouragement and a blessing. I get to enjoy seeing my friends more who live only 4 hours away, but that distance is longer than it ever should be. I get to be with my husband more and go hiking and enjoy uninterrupted time and focus on him and our house. I get to go traveling, go to concerts, read some great books, make some tasty meals, all of this I am just utterly excited to do. No stress and no time management with school involved. All free of burden. I love summer!

Done with that

I can't be further from done with that past blog or the season that it fell into. I really wish that people did not have to get so uptight or judgemental over feelings that I, personally, have. So what if I wanted to write about what I just went through or the fact that I was hurt and saddened by the events in my own life. Goodness knows this blog doesn't reflect exactly who I am or my traits or flaws. This blog to me is merely a reflection of what is going on in my life and my thoughts from time to time. My friends know that, and they come to me if they have something to say from these words that I write out and post on the world wide web. I want to be able to show my cards and explain to you if you have a problem or offense.

Why would someone put themselves out there and say some really nasty things to me that are only trying to bring me down without having any contact or want to contact me? What makes a person do that? I'm not sure. If someone takes offense to what I say they should come to me straight away and find out about me before making judgement calls. Life works that way. You don't shy away from confrontation if it is needed to resolve things. Yeah, whoever it was that said some things on my past blog; it hurt, it really sucked. So good for them! I'd like to know if they feel really proud now because I never got to respond to their comments.

It is my personal belief that people should never make others look bad just to make themself look good. Life and people are too good, time is too precious, and friends are too few to be hurting each other.

Suprise Ending

As many of you have heared, I lost my job at the Encore Cafe last week. It was a sudden shock, to say the least. I knew that since the cafe opened it was always hurting financially. It seems that a new cafe in Columbiana is just not what people are able to spend their hard earned money on. The past 2 months the daily take at the cafe went down to half of what it had been.

I understood that; we made drastic changes, but nothing seemed to do the trick. I knew it was hurting. Even though the head cheese never really gave me any indication of where things were, I knew we were hurting bad. I tried to do everything that I could to make things work. I developed recipes that were cheaper for the cafe but also gave some tasty scratch recipes, took care of jobs that would let people get out of there earlier on their shifts, any thing that I could think up, I did. I had a pretty strong suspicion.

My plans were to quit after this semester at college. To work through the semester and find something in the medical field to get my foot in the door since I will be graduating in May of 2010. I knew that I didn't have to put up with the place too much longer. My heart wasn't in it anymore. I never really had control over the place and it was slowly released from me over the past year anyways. Why was I there trying to make good of something that really didn't treat me right in the first place? Lots of promises were made, none of which happened. Ideas were thrown around only to be taken back at the last second. Trust was placed in me and things asked of me, but when I went to take care of them my toes (and trust) were stepped on.

I am glad to not be there anymore for the fact that I never had a worse boss, I never had so much mistrust placed in me. I was never lied to this much for something so simple as coffee, salads, and sandwiches. My faith in people, in friends, was shattered...I lost friends, I gained friends, it was the most trying year of work that I ever had. I have never been hurt so bad and I will never get hurt like that again.

In fact I will never do it again.

Bleak Outlook

So I'm just sitting at the Cafe waiting for Sam to get done with his new job at 4:30. We drove together this morning (as Sam pointed out, it was the first time that we ever have been able to drive to work together) to save on some gas and because the roads were pretty horrendous that we didn't want to venture 2 cars out there.

We turned onto the side road about 1/10ths of a mile from our house and Sam ran over a black lid to a trash can. I think that our car has a decent amount of clearance under it but that darn lid stuck under the car and we started dragging it. It was so loud! Sam stopped and tried to back up to lose it and it still stayed with us. So we had to pull into a driveway and somehow the gravel in the driveway loosened the lid and it popped out from under our car. It was like a mini snowplow under our car. Goofy, but at least we had a good laugh on the way to work.

I am so glad that we are starting to see some longer days. I think that this winter has snuck up some depression in me that started silently but has recently reared its ugly head. Seasonal Affective Disorder, maybe I need to get some spotlight and sit in it, drink some milk for vitamin D and soak in some rays of artificial light.

We got to go to Hocking Hills right after the new year with some of our best friends. I really had a good time, but it went entirely too fast and it stayed busy the entire time also. I was expecting a little down time, but I didn't find it till about 1am every night, when everyone was trying to stay awake. I loved the Lodge we stayed in this year, it was beautiful and the lay out of the huge cathedral living room/dining room/kitchen was just about perfect to spend our time with each other. We ended up getting into some closets that were closed to our viewing:) and we found some amazing white graduation gowns and prom dresses. From there we made our own fun. As always good friends, good food, good hiking, good sleeping, good dancing. Pictures will be posted soon I hope!

Random thoughts, but thats how I do.