No Voice, No Answer

Today has been odd. And not in a good way. I have just felt that no one wants to answer any of my questions. It's almost as if no one wants to talk to me. Well, in my mind, that they basically don't want to deal with me. I have been on the phone most of the morning dealing with medical stuff. If you know me, I'm not great with phone calls anyways, especially business related things. The worst part is I am just getting the run around. I cannot get a straight answer. I have left messages for days with people, I have given my phone number, and email address, and information to so many people, I have asked to speak with the person who can give me answers, and all I get is more waiting. I am at their mercy, and I am waiting. I still hardly have a voice to speak with, and I sound like a little girl on the line. I wonder if they think that I am just making fun of the whole process sometimes because of my voice. In my head I sound ridiculous, others say it sounds sweet, and they don't even think anything of it. But I am getting frustrated in how much I have to repeat myself, and I wonder if I am even getting respect. I think I am only getting sympathy at this point. I don't want that. I just want answers!
If I could scream, I just might. It just sounds like a whisper at this point. I have no forcefulness behind my voice, I cannot project my voice. Heck, I went through a drive-thru the other day, and they couldn't hear me, so I had to go up to the window and place my order. I talk to people coming into the winery I work at everyday, I talk to them about the wines, I conduct wine tastings, I answer any detail that they have questions about. I get breathless, I feel like I have to scream to get out words loud enough to hear. At the end of the night my voice is so high pitch that I feel like my head is going to pop and my incision on my neck just throbs.

It's almost been a month since my surgery. I feel great, I have energy. I thought that these things would be the hardest to deal with, but they aren't. The biggest thing that gets to me is my voice. I can whistle like a bird, but I cannot sing, I cannot laugh, I cannot yell, I cannot talk like the ladies man, or talk like an old person. I have been told that I sound like Miss Piggy or Consuelo from family guy. They were trying to make me laugh about it and feel better. I hope and pray that it will come back one day. It could be months, it could be different forever. I wish I had an answer.