Hillbilly Medical Terms

Ok, maybe these are a little cheesy, but I admit I had a good laugh after reading a few. So here's to maybe making your day a little less dreary. And here's to hoping that we never meet any Doctors we visit who think that these are real terms!
Benign................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan................Searching for the cat.
Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her.
Colic...............A sheep dog.
Coma...............A punctuation mark.
D&C................Where Washington is.
Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do.
Enema.............Not a friend.
Fester............Quicker than someone else.
Fibula............A small lie.
G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.
Impotent......Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work.
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates...........Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node....................I knew it.
Outpatient..............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.
Secretion.......Hiding something.
Tablet..........A small table to change babies on.
Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.
Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor...............More than one.
Urine...............Opposite of mine.
Varicose............Near by.
Hospital............The biggest building in town, other than Joe's feedwarehouse or Franks lumber mill.

Alive To Tell the Story

Can you believe it? My day ended up with a sort of perfect justice of exactly how crappy it really was after the aforementioned Theatre exam(if you haven't already, read my last post, I kind of posted twice in a short time span). I had just finished my other college class, got into my car, turned it on... you know the old bit. Anyways, I was pulling out of the parking lot onto the main road that leads to home and low and behold, one of my classmates from my other class was behind me in line and he ran into me! Apparently he thought that I was going to pull out in front of the person barreling down the road in the lane I needed to turn in to. So, he wasn't paying any attention to me and he started to go. Next thing I know I feel a lurch forward and hear metal hitting metal, or maybe that was plastic hitting plastic. I look into my rearview mirror and see him covering his face with his hands in shock that he just hit me from behind. We both get out of our cars and see that nothing major happened to either car. His car was actually worse than mine, a crack in the plastic fender and some scrapes. My car took it like a man and had a little blue paint on the fender. We both decided that we were fine and that we could go on our merry way and that was the end of it. I kind of forgot to tell my husband the first 1/2 hour we were together when I got home and I remembered as we were hugging in the kitchen. Something triggered it and I said, " Oh, by the way I was in an accident today!" Well he kind of flipped out on me for not telling him as soon as I walked in the door. But when he realized that no damage was really done then he was ok with it. And I'm alive to tell the story!

Life Is Staged

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwilling to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances,
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered Pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
-As You Like It, Shakespeare

I am in Theatre, a way of seeing, this semester at Kent State. My nursing coordinator told me that it is a requirement for my nursing degree that I am working on. I'm not really sure why? I tell people that it is so that I can learn to lie to patients when they are on deaths door. My nursing coordinator also told me that this class would be an easy "A" grade for me. Well now that I just finished my first exam I beg to differ. I really HATE short answer and essay exams and this one was all of that(and a bag of chips), 5 pages later(front and back) and 1 1/2 hours of examining, I am pretty sure that I'm not sure at all in how I did. My mind is fuzzy and I haven't been able to see anything clearly for 2 hours since the exam. That "A" seems harder than I thought. In my studying last night for the exam, I did come across this script from, As You Like It, and I thought it really said a lot about a mans life in a short span. It puts everything into perspective; you start out as a baby not knowing many things, you grow up and learn everything and think you are "master of the universe", then you realize it was better when you were young and didn't know everything, so you start reverting back to when you were a baby and sleep all day and have others feed you. Wisdom, it's a scary thing, you have to go thru so much to get it and when you have it you sometimes wish that you could take it back.

Winter Creeps In

Are we ever ready for winter? This year I am more than especially not. This year winters approach just seems different, I feel like the summer went by too fast and the time I was able to be outside was not enough. To think that we have to bear down for another long winter already fills me with depressing thoughts. Although I do like many things about winter, I mainly just can't stand being cold anymore. In my ripe old age of 29 I hate to get up in the morning out of my warm covers, I hate to come home to a cold house and start a fire that will warm the house slowly till, when it's time for bed, I am warm and toasty. I know that my sweet husband has already started saying "Have I mentioned that I can't stand winter?" which I will invariably hear everyday for the next several months until we see some green grass and warm days again and I think that drives me more crazy than anything!

"Strange we never prize the music till the sweet-voiced bird has flown; strange that we should slight the violets till the lovely flowers are gone; strange that summer skies and sunshine never seem one half so fair as when winter's snowy pinions shake their white down in the air!"
-Mary Riley Smith

Silent Weekend

This past weekend I participated in a "Silent" weekend with other Kent State students involved in ASL classes. ASL stands for American Sign Language, if anyone was wondering, and there are 6 different levels of the class at this point that can be taught. I am a baby in ASL 1 and most of the people there were at least ASL 2 or 3. To see the difference in just one semester more is scary to me because they were so much better at signing than myself. Many of the people there were deaf as well. There was NO talking during any of the group activities, which was daunting. Hence the meaning "Silent" weekend;) It was a gathering for students and deaf people to get together and have a nice relaxing weekend. I actually felt far from relaxed at times though, I had a good time, but it was very stressful going there and knowing only the basics of signing. I was happy that everyone was really patient and eager to work with me and my fellow ASL 1 classmates. It is encouraging, to say the least, that I am able to have a short basic conversation with a deaf person, when just a few short months ago I would have been clueless in talking with them, and it would have scared me to death to even try. The weekend was gorgeous and I loved camping out. I haven't had the chance to camp this summer and it was just what I needed to get a little more relaxed and ready to get thru the rest of the semester. The top picture is of the entire group on the last day, minus a few that left the night before. The bottom picture is just a few of my classmates trying to sign to each other. This was an experience that I would have never done on my own, but because of it being a requirement for my ASL class, I am so glad that I did. It is hard to break out of your shell when you don't have to.

My new backpack

It seems that my dear husband finally found himself his ultimate backpack on E-bay that he's been wanting for years, he had this 50th anniversary Kelty backpack tagged for what was probably 2 years, and when it came out into the market years even before that, he wanted it then, but just didn't buy it for whatever reason. Anyways, when he was sent the e-mail that his backpack was up for auction, he immediately put a bid in. Every other time he was outbid in the first few days, but this time his low bid got him his dream pack. The U.S. postal service sent it to us a few days later and I've never seen him so happy as when he opened that package with his new backpack in it. He said that it was all of his birthdays and christmas's combined in to one. WOW! Maybe a little exaggerated, but that's the way he is, you have to know him. So, needless to say, I aquired his old backpack. It is new too, but it wasn't the one he really wanted in the first place but he got a great deal for it figuring that he wouldn't ever get his "dream" pack. It was his second option, thrown away for the beauty of another. Honestly though, I really like it. I can't wait to get out on the trail and give it it's first "trail" run. It is green(which is my favorite color) and it isn't as big as his new pack so that means that he will have to carry more of the weight when we are on the trail together. I sure am glad that he got his dream pack! I think I got mine too!